Retarded Feminists in the Making:

A very special raditts report


If you've been a student at UMD College Park for any amount of time, you are required to know two things:

1) The dining hall food: No one should have to pay so much for such crap.

2) If you need a source to cite retarded quotes from, the Diamondback was made for you.


The Diamondback is not surprisingly composed mostly of journalism majors. This would be okay, except the majority of them can't read their high school diplomas, and hopefully can't read the very crap they write on a daily basis. Among the carnival of crap, the festival of feces, that is the ol' DB, we find gripping articles about guys peeping in the girls shower and/or jerking off in public; an ongoing "joke" about the "100 Greatest Movies Never Made" (Titanic 2: Cruise Control... yeah, remind me to laugh); and what appears to be a weekly journal (which is for some reason printed on the front page) starring a retarded young freshman girl and her daily bumblings, such as amazing stories about her spending days on end trying to find out that the "^" symbol means "hold the Ctrl button down." Amazing indeed... amazingly stupid. I wonder why everyone else knew what "^" meant.

But not even public masturbators and ditzy freshwomen can compare in idiocy to some of the people featured or quoted in the DB's articles. There are two, count 'em, two articles that have quotes from feminists in the October 4 issue. Remember when I wrote that little bit about my theory on how girls are stupid? Well, I propose that a study be started on the belief that there is an extra gene in some females which induces a minor form of Down's Syndrome, that I'd like to call the Feminist Gene. I am using these articles for the basis of my study.

Please observe Exhibit A: "Group draws penis in Mote's prking space." I won't bore you with the details, but basically, this campus "female advocate" group called "Women's Circle" decided to chalk an outline of a penis in the parking space of "MOTE," the campus prez, in some incredibly moronic attempt to show that yes, they want to stop rape on campus. Obviously it didn't work, because incredibly, rapes are still happening everywhere.

Now, in case one of the five people that reads my page is a reta- er, radical feminist, just read my whole damn article before you send in the snipers, or one of the more beastly of your ilk to assassinate me. No, I am not trying to trivialize rape. It's an awful thing, and anyone that's fucked up enough to do it should have their nads chewed off by hungry wolverines. Just think about this whole thing, first. You draw a penis in the parking space of the President, of all freakin' people. Just in case you weren't aware, drawing a penis on someone or something is not exactly a compliment, or a good way to get a message across. Where were you when the rest of us learned that in 5th grade and people spread the news of the "Pen-15 Club?"

What I am trying to say is that doing stupid shit like this before using your peanut brains to think it over is worse than doing nothing at all. Crap like this is exactly why, until the mistake was made to allow it a year or two ago, chalk writing was outlawed on campus. This is not a simple mistake, either. Here's a quote from the head of the mental midgets of "Women's Circle" on the incident, peppered with my comments picking it apart:

"We wanted to show the women of this campus that they have the right to feel safe."

What the hell? What we have here is not a failure to communicate; this is an inability to communicate. If anything, this would suggest that they shouldn't feel safe. You know what that tells me? "Look alive, ladies! See this? This is your boogie man! It's a-comin' ta getcha!! Join Women's Circle today and get 50% off if you become a lesbian in the first week!" Moving right along...

"The penis was used to symbolize the power structures that perpetuate rape."

... which totally contradicts your last sentence.

"By not taking any action on this issue, the administration is embracing these power structures."

Yeah, what they should have done is sick the police on your dumb asses. That's what would have happened if you'd drawn that on a dorm room door, or something equally retarded.

But let's face it; if they got arrested and shut down, they'd provide us with less fodder to laugh at. Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, if you think the last portion was just a twisted result of Diamondback reporting, please observe Exhibit B: A guest column by what appears to be one of the sheep in the Women's Circle. The article starts out normally enough... people have been raped, rape is bad... until the writer's cognitive function fails somewhere in the middle of the article and actually supports a chalking that blames ol' Motey, the poor guy who had to drive up to work the day before to see a giant chalk dick, for the rapes occurring. I mean, we all know rape is a horrible, horrible thing, like I stated above. But let's face it; How can you blame the president of the University for crimes that happen? I hate being overcharged for tuition, and food, and lab fees, and all the other stuff I get overcharged for, but I can blame him for that, he causes that shit. He doesn't send out thugs to prey on unsuspecting coeds to meet some kind of rape quota. That's like going up to the President of the U.S. and saying "Crime and stuff happens in America, and it's all your fault!" But it gets better...

"I did some chalking of my own last night. I helped chalk 'Respect This Vagina' on the steps of McKeldin Library. It was also washed off, I'm told. Is this such a radical, horrible notion? Is respecting vaginas in some way slanderous? Am I wrong in wishing my vagina to be appreciated for the sacred organ that it is?"

Is this girl ignorant or just plain retarded? Does she actually go to this school or does she just hang around campus to be with the cool people? Was she snickering as she wrote this foolishness? This just gives me a vision of Mote giving a speech somewhere:


MOTE: "All right, everyone. In light of the recent violence around campus, we have decided to raise tuition 10% to hire more Police Auxillary to look for cars to ticket. We sincerely believe this will help."


MOTE: "We also humbly request that although these guys are the biggest asswipes you will ever meet, that you show these auxillary the utmost respect-"

WOMAN IN AUDIENCE: "Respect? Why don't you respect this vagina, biotch!!"



So to answer your question, no, you did not get your point across, mostly because you are a dumbass.

What's the moral of the story here? Just think a little bit sometimes. Do a little of that thing that got you into college, unless you're one of those sorority sheep that bought their way into college, or just slipped through the cracks. In that case, you're just screwed. No pun intended, feminists.