thefluff.com

(colored in an appropriate black and orange)

If you watch half the amount of TV that a loser like me does, I know you've had to see at least one of those stupid commercials for thetruth.com. Yeah, you know, one of those commercials that turns out to be fake when one person out of a group of three dies in a hilariously fucked-up way, which then fades to a halloween-colored screen like this one saying:

Only one thing kills one out of three people that use it.

Tobacco.

(sponsored by truth. thetruth.com)

Okay then. So tobacco kills people... Like, no way. If I knew how to read, the freakin' surgeon general's warning on the side of the cigarette boxes would tell me that, genius. I guess us illiterate people are screwed; still, I think they should change the name to tellmesomethingidontknowjackass.com.

The commercials come in this form, or some commercial with a "cool" looking geek wearing a backwards hat (as if to say "Don't smoke, dude!! It's like, bad for you and stuff!") and holding some machine that spits out numbers in front of a rollercoaster. Another one involves a bunch of grungy-looking kids (because let's face it, grunge is cool... dude) driving through "tobacco suburbia" at night (wow, I didn't know all these guys lived in the same place!!) and waking people up with a loudspeaker.

Anyway, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about by now. After seeing a commercial where some ugly guy was beating down on someone's opinion about who's to blame for people smoking, I decided to check the web site out. Looking at the message board, I found much to my chagrin that other people shared my opinion that the purpose behind this whole "truth" thing is totally asinine. I mean, come on. We all know that smoking causes lung cancer. Even illiterate people like me who can't read their high school diploma. Why do you think people call 'em "cancer sticks?" Uh, duh, Truth folks. And before you say anything else, yes, we all know that cancer, even lung cancer, makes people die. If there is anyone out there that does not know this, please raise your hand. And if you just raised your hand... why? No one can see you, jackass.

thetruth.com seems to be more of a campaign against tobacco companies, which are apparently a bunch of mad scientists working together to cleanse the world of humanity under the moniker "Big Tobacco." Because let's face it; tobacco company reps just stalk everyone under the age of 14, trying to shove a cigarette into their mouths. And that advertising... oh my! If it wasn't for good education on the subject, those magazine ads showing a happy middle aged woman holding a cigarette above the words "You can do it! KOOL" would have definitely reeled me in. I tell you, those tobacco guys have the best advertising agencies in the world, don't they (note the sarcasm)? Come on. Cigarette ads are the stupidest things I've ever seen, and I want to meet one person who was actually driven to try cigarettes because of them and not because of one of their chain-smoking friends. Even that damned camel that they banned a few years ago. Let's ask ourselves, did that really convince anyone that they were going to turn into a high-rolling well dressed camel if they smoked it? If it did, I figure that would decrease smoking. Myself, I looked at that ugly thing as a 12-year-old and thought to myself, "That thing looks retarded."

Looking around the site, I observed all the telltale signs of the disease known as "the nonconformist bandwagon," or "I wanna be unique, just like everyone else." Just look at this, and have a good laugh or two:

"Mainstream media is always filtered, sometimes censored and usually influenced by the almighty dollar. Not truth AV. We're a not-for-profit organization and we've got the muscle to reach the world. The media you'll find here, whether it comes from a nationally known DJ or from the twisted head of someone in South Dakota, is all about what's real. It's not here because it's good or bad. It's here because it's honest, and because there is a truth to it that can't be denied. And we're pretty sure that the real truth of your life and what you can create can be a lot more entertaining than most of the nonsense the big corporations want us to watch."

Uh huh. Just the type of psycho-babble you'd expect from a pack of rebels-without-a-cause like these. "Keep it real, dudez!!" I don't know about you, but I'd rather watch the big, evil, faceless corporate monsters' nonsense than read the nonsense from a bunch of small, gibbering retards. Oh yeah, don't forget it's a non-profit organization, meaning they're not "selling out" to the suits. I wouldn't have a problem with a non-profit organization, if they were doing something useful and not wasting time between The Simpsons that could be used to show good commercials. Also featured are other staples of nonconformitis, like writing everything in lowercase letters (Take that, capitals!!) and having that lame ultra-modern webpage design.

You know what this reminds me of? Hippies. That's right; all the signs are there. They wear ugly clothes. They make a big deal about stuff that's not necessary; instead of reminding everyone that war kills people, it's that cigarettes kill people. Oh, and they don't smoke marijuana anymore, cause that's mainstream now, and mainstream is definitely un-cool.

So sure, it's the "truth." But do we really need a website to tell us what can kill us when it's been hammered into our heads for the better part of our lives? We know that taking a nose dive into concrete makes you die too; why don't we make a website for that? Anyway, I'm getting tired of typing, so I'm going to just conclude by saying that people should stop making useless websites and providing fodder for worstoftheweb.com. That's right, people like me too.