The strangest, stupidest, and most quality stuff the world has ever seen.
The Gallery of Zen: The best of the raditts.com Moments of Zen.
Project Couch Run: The one and only, the original and best.
To Any who would Wish to Sue Me: Project Couch Run (c) raditts 2001. "The Simpsons," the Fox Logo, and everything else besides the name are copyrights of the giant, looming FOX corporation, the guys who brought you "Temptation Island." Every night is action night on NON-STOP FOX. Please don't sue me guys, this is just a labor of love. Not to be sold for any profit whatsoever.
Version 1: "Ralph" 40% (57/143) In MPEG format.
From around the world:
LARP stands for Live Action Role Playing. Confused yet? Well, prepare to wish you'd never heard of them. You see, there have always been D&D geeks, and for the better part of history, they've kept their deviant acts of nerdism behind closed doors, making parents' basements and backrooms of dingy Anime shops their dungeon. But then, a fringe group decided that was simply not enough. Not knowing the entire story, the first time I heard of this was when the University allowed "players" of "Vampire: The Masquerade" to have their homosexual little game. Since players of this "game" consist mostly of goths, a group that is known for standing around in public and appearing to show disdain for all they see while secretly longing for attention and friends, I never drew the connection.
Not until I saw this, that is. Not only do these paragons of geekdom and utter stupidity chronicle their cavorting, they crudely videotape it as well. Behold, and scratch your hear in confusion and fright for humanity.
"Speak with Dead": In this video, a pudgy, dumpy girl-like creature (known in the Realms as the Great Androgena) talks to a kid lying on the ground. Her first words: "Do you have a pulse?" speak of the extensive first-aid training she must have taken in magic academy, or whatever the hell you call the place you go to get a degree in magic.
"Okian Warrior": In this video, an Asian kid relives the worst samurai/kung fu movies he must have seen as a kid. I don't know what kung-fu movies he watched in his youth, though, since I don't remember any of the Seven Samurai or Bruce Lee's enemies wearing a calf-length dress or black tennis shoes. New age, I suppose. Also providing accompaniment is a gripping soundtrack which consists of "BOOM-boom-BOOM-boom...BOOM...boom."
"Ogre Battle": The main event of this video set. As far as I can gather, the LARPers believe that even the characters in their role-playing universes are geeks and also play in gaudy outfits in their parents' backyard until attacked by poorly costumed beasts. Either that, or they were going with no fantasy element whatsoever by featuring the house and driveway in the background. The best part of this video is the "magic" element, which seems to consist of yelling "LIGHTNING BOLT!" over and over again. I went out in the parking lot of my apartment building yesterday and tried yelling "LIGHTNING BOLT" for an hour to try to make it rain, but all it got me was whacked upside the head with a billy club and a night in the pokey. Your results may vary.
Card Captor Horror: Japan's best to the world.
As if the professionally-done (and I use that term loosely) Japanese
sketches are frightening and hilarious enough to kill an average human
being, the homemade videos that somehow manage to find their way onto
the Internet reach an entirely new level. Here for your consumption tonight
is a "fan" video of some... people (another term used loosely) acting
out the opening sequence to the anime series "Card Captor Sakura." I managed
to catch a couple episodes of this show in English, and it only ranks
slightly below the Japanese bastardization of Transformers as "the stupidest
fucking thing I've seen this year." Apparently the plot is that a stupid
girl released a bunch of living cards from a book, and every formulaic
episode consists of the girl using her magic powers and a little orange
flying thing to capture one of the cards when they cause trouble over
Metropolis, or Tokyo, or wherever the hell it is they're supposed to be.
N'Chink: Observe the geek in its natural habitat.
Have you ever wondered about geeks? What goes through their minds, what
they like, why they prefer
Human Inferno: Natural selection fails.
What do you do when you're 15, bored, and living in an isolated Midwestern
town on the weekend? In this little
Yatta!: Dance, wacky Japanese men, DANCE!
The Japanese strike back once again, and it's obvious that they're still suffering from nuclear fallout now more than ever! This time they're dancing in front of hundreds wearing nothing but fleshtone leaf underwear in the latest video to cross my path by apparent Japanese sensation Happatai, called "YATTA!" It's like the Village People, only infinitely gayer! Check out this rave review from an unsuspecting patron I sent it to for sampling purposes:
kts: never talk to me again
Out-standing! So check it out, and cry yourself to sleep.
Teach Me: Because you can learn all life's lessons from frogs.
Remember elementary school, when you had to take Sex Ed? Well, if you were reared in a mental institution, they may have skipped over all the crap and gotten to the important stuff, as in "Teach Me," where two frogs teach you everything you need to know about the horizontal mambo. Necrophilia, coprophilia... this little Flash film has got it all.
Fuck Her Gently: Pretty much speaks for itself, doesn't it?
This is a Flash music video created by John K. (?) of Spumco (the guys most famous for Ren & Stimpy) and... well, let's just say that since Ren & Stimpy went off the air, they've been doing a lot more 'explicit' things. This is one of them. There's plenty more stuff on Spumco.net.
Japan One Television: Tokyo Breakfast: More Engrish than you can shake stick at, neeeeeeegaaaaaaaaaaaah.
Those wacky Japanese. Say what you will, but they never cease to amaze me. Through years of research and watching anime, I've determined that there are five things that the Japanese do best:
1. Make cartoons, often featuring amazing amounts of blood and explosions.
2. Act as borderline racists.
3. Have an enormous obsession with American hip-hop culture, in spite of #2.
4. Feature explicit porn, often featuring tentacles or anthropomorphic demons (often in conjunction with #1).
5. Butcher the English language.
Every once in a while, something evolves in nature that is an optimal combination of many things any race of creatures excels at. And I found that evolution while exploring the TerpIdiots upload vault a week or two ago, when I found a clip someone uploaded from some Japanese TV show. It incorporates 3 of the 5 above qualities; just throw in some violent porn cartoons and things might be different the next time Godzilla comes by to stomp Tokyo.
In any case, you should see it for yourself.
Monkey Vs. Robot: Gorilla-cyborg fighting action!
Monkey hate technology.
Robot hate the monkey.
They will fight eternally.
Monkey vs. Robot.
A chronicle of the eternal battle between simian and machine, accompanied by a soundtrack that asks the question: why?
Karate Chimp: Just when you thought kung-fu movies didn't get any better...
...you were wrong, as usual. As any non-dumbass knows, kung-fu movies kick sufficient amounts of ass as it is. But this 25-second video, featuring a ass-kicking monkey, rivals the best of them. Another mark to prove my point. This may also be why Iron Monkey is one of the best damn kung-fu movies of all time. Just a theory, but it may well be true.
Christina Spears: It's so accurate, it's frightening.
The story of Christina Spears, decked out in over-glamourized MTV style to boot. Who created this or where it came from is a bit of a mystery, but it seems to have some South Park influences. It's about 50 megabytes, so you'll want a fast connection if you want to see this one. In MPEG format.
(Donated by 'kts')
Imagine all the kung-fu movies you were raised on and mercilessly beat
others to, all rolled into one neat package. Now throw in some of the
video games that pulled you through your childhood, and some stick figures
for simplicity. Then you have Xiaoxiao, possibly the best series of Flash
movies ever made. Watch now and die happy and fulfilled.
Xiao Xiao No.1. This is the original movie, an AVI file, featuring two stickmen battling it out with flying handless arms and footless legs.
Xiao Xiao No.2. This is a "playable" version of stick-man action-kung-fu movie "Xiao Xiao". I put "playable" in quotation marks because all you really do is push the space bar at the right time to keep from dying. Enjoy.
Xiao Xiao No.3. This is the most popular of the series, a Flash movie featuring the main character ("Black Stickman") beating the living crap out of a bunch of enemies in what looks like a warehouse before he faces his arch-nemesis ("Purple Stickman") in a fight to the death peppered with Matrix-esque special effects.
Xiao Xiao No.4. A playable shooting game, featuring the main character going into Purple Stickman's vector-graphic compound and shooting up all his guards before facing Purple Stickman himself on top of a building. More Matrix-style acction ensues.
Hyakugojyuuichi!: What can I say... except "What the hell?"
A very interesting six minute trip through someone's extremely twisted psyche to a catchy J-pop beat. One look and flying singing Harry Potter heads will haunt your dreams for a very long time. Hyakugojyuuichi is Japanese for "151"; what that has to do with anything is beyond me. Must be the proof on the bottle of Bacardi the creator chugged before making it.
My best real guess is that '151' is a Pokemon reference, that being the original number before Nintendo decided to throw in some more random freaks of nature to milk the franchise.
This has been confirmed by one 'J.F.': "This song is actually from pokemon. it's on a cd for the first pokemon movie. So, 151 means the # of Pokemon."
The cards, dey neva lie.
I have also had the pleasure of being emailed by the criminally insane creator of this Flash movie, who requested that I put a link here to his website: www.animutation.com.
(also known as: 'pika.swf')
The Zero Wing "All Your Base Are Belong to Us" Showcase: The tribute to the world's worst translation. Ever.
Many years ago on a video game system known in this neck o' the woods as the Genesis, war was beginning. War in the form of a video game called Zero Wing. Someone was obviously bent on starting an international outrage with this pile of a translation, apparently written by sadistic chimps. However, we being but kids at the time, usually skipped the introduction and went right into the game, which pretty much involves shooting things with a spaceship.
But it's back. And it's bigger than ever.
Years later, a site known as Zany Video Game Quotes featured this butchering for the world to see as an example of what we have come from as a country.
Another site known as Something Awful took the line and ran with it. After that, it pretty much snowballed and proliferated into a catchphrase that swept the nation for a few weeks or months. Below are the most (in)famous spawn of the craze.
The OverClocked Zerowing Quicktime movie. Made in June of 2000, this was the beginning of a giant snowball. Needs Quicktime 4 to play.
The "All Your Base Are Belong To Us" Shockwave music video. AKA "Invasion of the Gabber Robots." Once you see this, your life will never, ever be the same. Requires Shockwave.
The Saddam / George W. spoof. The amazing part is, it fits so well.
Mr.T vs. CATS. This is the best revision to the theme yet. Of course, throw in some Mr.T jibbajabba and you really can't go wrong.
The $20,000 Zig. In this parody of "The $25,000 Pyramid," wacky hijinks ensue as we get a double dose of stardom when Zero Wing's OPERATOR teams up with The Smurfs' PAPA SMURF in an encounter that will leave the English language butchered and battered within an inch of its life.
Since the popularity of AYBABTU has spread out of context and all over the Internet, the very guys at SA that made it famous detest its very existence. By now, it's all but burned itself out, and has now joined the ranks of catchphrases like "WHASSUP!!" where it is required by law in most states that everyone within earshot approach and severely bitchslap the offending speaker.
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